What Finding Out My Dog Is Sick Has Taught Me

Being Lydia!

First of all, I apologize for not posting sooner. Life kind of got away from me. I have been down with a cold turned bronchitis and spending time with Violet. Also, this has been a very difficult and emotional piece to write.

Last Saturday we took Violet to the vet. She had a lump in her throat that seemed to be growing, was not eating and had other symptoms that concerned us.

We were quite worried on the half hour drive to the vet. Violet is 13 years old and has several health conditions. We know she won’t live forever, but we also want to make sure she isn’t suffering.

The appointment showed that all of her lymph nodes are swollen and sore. The vet alluded to the fact this is not good and may very well be cancer. He took some samples and on Monday called to say that…

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Addiction Part 2 #addiction #Impulse #Debt #BuyItNow

How do you handle people telling you what to do? Do you cave into peer pressure? Me… I don’t take people telling me what to do very well, I usually tell them where to go – politely. 😉

When it comes to peer pressure, I don’t usually listen, except to the commercials on tv, radio and that voice in my head. But that is the problem. Why do I listen to that voice in my head, when I would tell another person to get lost? Is it because I am talking to myself? Or am I?

I have never been big on talking about the devil, demons or spiritual attacks, but when it comes to addiction, I find it very helpful to externalize that voice inside. Pretend that the voice is not in your head, but a person who is talking to you. Why if that voice wasn’t in my head I would…

There it goes again, it is telling me that I need a new smartwatch. Do I hear half of you laughing at me, and the other half asking what a smartwatch is?

A smartwatch is a watch that connects to your phone, and relays notifications to you. You may be laughing and not see this as a need, but once you have one, you have a hard time living without. And I don’t just need any smartwatch, I already have an Android Wear that just does the basics, but it turns itself off after a few hours. No, I need the latest Samsung Gear S3 (I haven’t been an Apple fan since they ditched the Apple IIe for the Mac and didn’t have any way to convert).

I need one, I will feel better when I have one… Wait… what? That is one of my catchphrases from my last post. Hey voice… How am I going to feel better when I have one? <silence> That $400 is reserved for emergencies, is this an emergency? <silence> What if I spend it, and then an emergency comes up (and you know it will) and now I have to go into debt, am I going to feel better then? <silence> Do you remember how stressed I was the last time I was in debt? <silence> I had to sell my house to get out of debt! Hey voice, where are you now?!?!?!

Hmmm…. Wouldn’t you know it… The need to buy that smartwatch just disappeared… I guess that voice doesn’t like it when I stand up to it, or ask it questions. 😉

Addiction – Part 1

#addiction #Impulse #Debt #BuyItNow

DON’T READ THIS!!! You don’t have any addictions.

I can stop any time I want.
It has been a hard day, you deserve a treat.
It’s not hurting anyone.
It tastes good.
It makes you feel good.

If you have heard that little voice inside you say one or more of these, then maybe you want to consider the possibility that you might have an addiction. I have had several such as wanting to be popular, wanting to be everyone’s friend, sweets, junk food, and… I am one of the 70% of men who have had (past tense) to deal with sex and porn addiction.

Where some of these might not seem like addictions, I probably have a different definition of addictions than most people. To me, anything that is repetitive that hurts me, or the people that I love (or love me) is an addiction. But you say, how is wanting to be popular an addiction? Quite simple, do you ever feel that you shouldn’t do something but do it anyway? Do you ever hear those voices in your head telling you that you have to look good, you need to diet, you need to spend money on clothes, food, gadgets, etc. Okay, I guess I have to say that I have not literally heard voices, but I have had these thoughts that we call voices, and they are hard to ignore. Now, anytime I hear that voice telling me to do something that I know is wrong, and I have done it before, I know that it is an addiction.

But then again, I want to be popular, so I have to look cool, buy the big brand name clothing, the latest gadgets, expensive coffee, “It’s not hurting anyone”, right? Wait… Why am I telling myself that “it’s not hurting anyone”? Is it? Who is it hurting? ME?

How much money was I spending on trying to be popular? How much debt did I go into? I think that at one point my minimum payment on my credit cards, plus regular monthly expenses (rent, electricity, cell phones and cable) added up to like $4,000 per month, and I was only making $2,000! How did that happen? Now who is going to tell me that wanting to be popular is not an addiction?

Anytime you hear that voice telling you to do something, or that it is okay, or that you will feel better; THINK AGAIN!

This voice is not your friend, it is temptation, and it will do anything to trick you into doing things that hurt yourself, or hurt those around you. Next time you hear that voice, ask yourself, why are you trying to convince yourself?

Reblog: When The Shoe Is On The Other Foot

I thought that I was just fatigued from the move, but it is getting worse not better. People say to exercise more, and you will feel better, but the more I exercise the worse I feel. But then I never was “Normal”. 😉

Being Lydia!

doctorsnote

My Hubby has been my rock for our 16 years of marriage and the five or so years before that. Even when times were at their worst (and they were), and he wanted to pack it in, he didn’t.

He knew from the start that when he married me that I came with a multitude of health problems and emotional baggage. Over the years he has helped me through so much I couldn’t begin to repay it if that were a consideration.

Well, now it is.

My hubby has been dealing with his own health problems for a long time and I know that he has put them on the side-burner to be there for me and to make a living, even when it has been way too much for him.

Because this is My blog and I do my best to keep the privacy of my friends and family…

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Life with Hemochromatosis

I have always been a person who lacked energy, which is why I started working with computers. I never knew why I lacked energy, most people probably thought I was lazy. The doctors didn’t seem to know either, so I started researching my own symptoms. I found several remedies for different symptoms, but they always seemed to be temporary or very expensive and I couldn’t afford to keep it up.

I never learned about Hemochromatosis until about 10 years ago. My cousin was diagnosed with it, and his wife sent a letter from his doctor saying that relatives should have our DNA tested, because it doesn’t show on the blood tests. I took it a doctor I was seeing at the time, he did the blood test and told me I don’t have it. Ah… What did the letter say? That I should have the DNA test anyway?

I really didn’t want this diagnosis anyway, because the usual remedy is to give blood, and blood tests made me faint / nauseated, never mind sitting for an hour having them drain the stuff out of me.

About a year ago, I finally convinced my new doctor to test me again. She did the blood test and found that my Iron level was 508, and not high enough to continue on to the next test (it requires 600 or more). So, I researched it myself and found out that levels above 500 are considered toxic! If the medical system knows that my levels are toxic, why aren’t they doing something about it?

People are always offering advice on how to get healthier. Eat right, get lots of exercise, etc. So, when my job in the computer industry was downsized, I decided to try more physical jobs to get in shape, and eat more balanced meals.

Now, I am finding out that this was not the best idea. Eating balanced meals, typically involves eating foods that are high in iron, and it seems like my dislike of green vegetables was not psychological, but my body telling me that it contains iron and too much was bad for me. Also, with toxic levels of iron in my system, I barely have enough energy to do a computer job, let alone a physical one.

Speaking of energy, I had always wondered why some simple activities were always too tiring for me. Most people wouldn’t consider going to church a physical or tiring activity (well, depending on if it was a boring sermon, or something). However, I rarely had the energy to stand while singing, and this usually lead to me finding it hard to breathe. Also, I was often cold. In more recent years, I discovered that the more physical I was, the colder I was. Basically it seemed that I had enough energy to heat my body and breathe, or do physical work, but not both.

So, now I am stuck in a physical job that is basically killing me, and I don’t have the energy and willpower to go looking for another, less physical job. It is funny, because in the earlier days all I had was the willpower to help others. It didn’t matter what the job was, if I was making money or not, if it required more thought than muscles, I would do it. Sometimes it did involve muscles, and I would be totally exhausted afterwards, but I was helping people and I felt good about it.

These days I don’t have enough energy to do my job, let alone help other people. I often find myself getting angry at my managers and clients, but I know it is not them making me angry, it is that I don’t have the energy to do what I am doing, so my body and mind are trying to get me out of this job, even if it means I do something stupid that gets me fired.
So, the good news is that I have been able to start giving blood, and I have noticed some improvements. In December, I wasn’t getting tired playing with the dog for 1 minute, but it returned in January before my next blood donation. However, since then the energy hasn’t returned. I did some more research and found that the green leafy lettuce that I wasn’t eating in December, must be the culprit, so I am cutting back on all greens including lettuce.

So, I am making baby steps, but without a diagnosis and the help of the medical system, I am estimating it will take years for me to feel normal again, where other members of my family who were diagnosed were feeling better in as little as 3 months.

Reblog: Music Monday – “What Faith Can Do”

Hey…. That’s my line…. 😉

Thanks, 🙂
Tony.

“Impossible is not a word. It’s just a reason for someone not to try.”
– Kutless

Being Lydia!

“It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason
For someone not to try”

Yesterday I wrote a post on finding joy in trials which leads to perseverance. I meant to add this song by Christian rock band Kutless but forgot. I was still in a codeine fog from my tooth issues and lack of sleep! Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! 😉

I felt it really fit the post because if you find a trial “impossible” and don’t try to get through it, or more importantly don’t try to have faith you will get through it, there is no place for joy.

Also, it is a really great song! I hope you like it whether or not you believe!

Lydia!

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Reblog: Kudos to my “Mr. Spock” from his “Deanna Troi”

Being Lydia!

It has been awhile since I have handed out any Kudos and even longer since I have publicly recognized the incredible efforts of one person in my life.

That would be my hubby.

Every time I wince, scream, shout out or move funny he is always there with an “are you alright?” Followed by an “is there anything I can do?”

Now sometimes hearing that over and over could be annoying; however, when the source and sincerity are considered, you just know that it is totally out of love.

That is how it is with this love of my life. He is not one to get over emotional (the other day I described us as the Vulcan and the Empath – he is very logical and I am very emotional and always trying to let people know I understand their situation.

When my hubby says “is there anything I can…

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